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Who's the Worst? Commissioner Edition
12-14-2011


We have a lot of big, weird sports news lately, and not much of it is good. Only some MLB hot stove and the fact that the NBA is finally going to start up. Otherwise, lots of bad. College basketball players are leaving the floor all bloody, and we're learning that under no circumstances would you want to leave your child alone with a college assistant coach. It's a scary world.

And baseball, the darling that drives the sportscard hobby, has taken another hit as well. We thought baseball had a steriod problem. Turns out, it has a steroid problem. Newly-minted NL MVP Ryan Braun tested well above average levels of testosterone. I'm sure most of you have read articles about this already. If not, the previous column explains the situation pretty well, as does this one by Jonah Keri, who is a solid baseball writer. I'm not interested in the particulars of the story, especially when so much of the outcome is still to be determined.

What I would like to point out is something no one else is discussing. This could be a chance for Bud Selig to reclaim his title of WORST COMMISSIONER IN ALL OF SPORTS! How exciting! Baseball had a pretty exciting season in 2011. The Rangers repeated as AL Champs, the Red Sox fell apart in historically bad fashion, and two of the games bigger stars - Pujols and Fielder - hit the market this off-season. That has all led to a lot of attention being paid to Bud's game.

Meanwhile, the juggernaut that is the NFL continued its run as American's favorite and most profitable game. Goodell didn't even take a dent in his image from the lockout-that-was-never-going-to-actually-cancel-any-games. Only the Hall of Fame game was nixed, and football, full of Tebows and undefeated Packers, rolled right along. Bud could rest easily.

But then, another threat, and this one legit: What was happening with the NBA? It looked like basketball's lockout actually had teeth. Depending on who you listened to, this league supposedly wasn't making money (as opposed to the NFL and its players, who just couldn't decide how to divide their riches) and the season was "for real" really in jeopardy.

And although the lockout finally ended and a 66-game season was agreed upon, Stern had still more tricks up his sleeve to piss everyone off. The league-controlled Hornets had a three-way trade of Chris Paul to the Lakers, which also involved the Rockets, killed by Stern that drew ire from nearly everyone. This was so bad that Chris Paul threatened to sue the league. Again, I'm not going to explain the ins and outs; these stories have been saturating the media over the past week.

My point is this. While Goodell took a weak swing at it...while Stern did his dickish best to take it...now Bud Selig, with the manner in which he handles Ryan Braun's possible (still being appealed) positive PED test...can still firmly hang on to the title of being sports' worst commissioner.

Just for "fun," let's say that we end up with an active MVP who tested positive for PEDs. What kind of bonehead moves could Selig take? We all know that leaving the NL MVP crown intact would live up to a precedent for baseball. The record books of MLB are filled with ball-scuffers, racists, gamblers, game fixers, brawlers, drunks, and other 'roid users. As baseball fans, we accept this with a grain of salt. The asterisks are only mental, not black and white. The debates are somehow livelier, even though some eras and players are discussed with hushed tones and somber, shaking heads pointed toward the ground.

I think the worst that could happen would be Selig trying to alter the record books. But how? How badly could he mess it up? Well, I happen to have some ideas:

1) He could simply vacate the NL MVP. Don't give it to Matt Kemp. In fact, don't give it to anyone. If Braun (ahem, a Brewers player - and surely by now Bud doesn't even remember the beloved franchise he bought and moved to Milwaukee) can't have the award, no one can.

2) Some have called for a second vote of the NL MVP. No. That would be too easy. Bud could do way worse by having the writers vote again for the AL award too! There was much debate whether a pitcher should win the MVP. Everyone should vote again, and let's see if we can strip both MVPs of their hardware!

3) Maybe neither option 1 nor 2 is your bag, baby. Let's keep an open mind and try this one on for size - name two MVPs from the American League! Not co-MVPs either. Two all-powerful, fully fledged MVPs, just both happening to be from the American League. For those who didn't like a pitcher winning - boom - you've got Jacoby Ellsbury. For those who don't want Braun, Kemp, or a re-vote - boom - your problems are solved too. This is just too easy.

4) Although this has nothing to do with re-appropriating the MVP award, the positive test - if it would eliminate Braun from MVP contention - should also remove his stats from the year and also vacate his team's wins. And if those wins don't count, we're gonna have to play the whole postseason over. (And quickly too - pitchers and catchers report in nearly three months!) The NL Central title would go to St Louis, and San Fran would emerge as the wild card out of the NL West.

This is the best plan by far. With all NL postseason games (and the World Series!) being replayed, think of the additional revenue the league would generate from ticket sales and TV rights. Biggest loser - LA Angels of Anaheim. Keep your fingers crossed that Albert or CJ don't hurt themselves playing a best-of-seven series in December!

Have fun!
-T

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tony@monstercards.net